


No time

by DieAstra



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Angst, Episode: s03e21 Before and After, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:22:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24394954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DieAstra/pseuds/DieAstra
Summary: A look at how Chakotay has to take command in the episode “Before and After” and how he becomes captain. And how Kathryn continues to haunt him.
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Comments: 16
Kudos: 21





	No time

There was no time. No time to react. When Chakotay was picking himself up from the floor Kes announced that B’Elanna and the captain were dead. One minute they had stood at the console, the next they were gone. He ran over, pressing his fingers to Kathryn’s neck, trying to find a pulse against hope. Tom followed suit.

But the Krenim did not grant them any respite. Mercilessly they kept attacking.

There was no time for grief either. Everything seemed to happen at once. He had to get them out of here, now.

For her.

With a last look at Kathryn’s face he started issuing orders. Thanks to Kes’ help they were able to fight back.

Now the repairing and healing time began.

*****

They lost eleven people that day. They also lost the power on several decks, and the warp drive needed some serious work. Chakotay searched for Lieutenant Carey. He had a pretty good idea where he would find him.

Engineering already was buzzing with some people yelling orders at each other, sparks flying as well as curses when something did not work the way it was planned to. In the middle of it all stood Joseph Carey like a conductor in front of an orchestra.

Chakotay put a hand on his shoulder.

“You got this?”

“I do.”

“How long will it take until we have warp power again?”

“Four, five hours max.”

“See if you can make it four rather than five.”

“Yes, sir!”

Chakotay turned and was ready to leave when Carey yelled after him.

“Commander?”

“Yes?”

“You know I wanted to be chief engineer, I did, but not like this. Never like this. You have to believe me!”

“I know. You will honor B’Elanna best if you do your work just as if she was still here.”

Then Chakotay left for good and continued on his tour through the ship, trying to be everywhere at once.

*****

In the evening, when the ship already settled down for the night shift to take over, he went to the shuttle bay. Eleven pods had been lined up in here, their lids still open. Ayala had seen to that. Chakotay thankfully nodded to him when he spotted him in a corner. Ayala had lots of experience with arranging funerals. In their fight for the Maquis they had lost a good number of team members. He also had experience enough to know that Chakotay wanted to be left alone right now so he quietly left.

Chakotay went from pod to pod, looking at the faces of the men and women that were no longer with them. Ayala’s team had done their best to make their wounds vanish, nothing reminded of the battle that had happened.

Kathryn’s pod was last in the row. He studied her face for a long time, trying to memorize every single detail. Her eyes were closed and it looked like she was merely sleeping. He couldn’t resist touching her cheek. It felt so cold. He remembered how he had breathed life into her at the planet some weeks ago. He wished he could do the same now. What he wouldn’t give for a last mischievous glance from her, or her hand on his chest.

Maybe it was true; maybe you couldn’t escape your fate. Maybe Kathryn had meant to die back then and the universe had corrected this error now. They had been given a second chance but nothing had changed between them. He had gotten his hopes up in vain when she suggested that boat trip. She said she needed to feel alive. But the next day Kathryn was back to business. They were always going forward, there were new enemies to fight and new space to explore and Kathryn continued to keep him at arm’s length. 

And he accepted it, what else could he do. Waiting patiently for better times.

*****

When he came back to his quarters he found Tom Paris waiting for him outside the door. With a bottle in his hand.

Chakotay was not in the mood for company right now but Tom looked so lost that he didn’t have the heart to send him away.

He opened his door and made an inviting gesture with his arm. Tom followed him into the room.

“Thank you,” he said while Chakotay looked for some glasses. “I just couldn’t be alone right now. I figured you would understand.”

And Chakotay did understand. Both of them had lost a woman they loved. He never had considered Tom a close friend but looking at him now he realized the man had changed through the past few years. There was a matureness he hadn’t seen before.

He raised his glass.

They didn’t sit down, chose instead to look out of the window standing side by side while quietly sipping the golden liquid.

There was no need to speak. It was enough knowing he was not alone in his grief. And hoping that he was able to give Tom some comfort as well.

*****

The next morning he made a ship wide announcement.

“Chakotay to everyone. At 1100 hours we will pay our last respect to our lost crew members in the shuttle bay. For those of you that can’t join us there the ceremony also will be broadcasted.”

When the time came the shuttle bay was bursting at the edges with all the people inside. Aside from those that were essential to run the ship and a few that the doctor had not yet let out of sickbay, everyone was there. Everyone wanted to say their last good-bye.

Chakotay took a deep breath and started his speech.

„Every single one of you lost someone yesterday. You lost a coworker, a friend, some of you even lost a lover. I won’t tell you it will be easy going forward because it won’t. The wounds will take a while to heal, both physically and psychically. We can only hope that there will come better times. I promise I will do everything to get you home. I gave that promise to Captain Janeway and I intend to keep it.”

His thoughts flashed back to the evening shortly after they had gotten Kathryn back. She’d turned up at his quarters, much to his surprise. 

Her expression had been very serious when she said, “Promise me, Chakotay.”

“Promise you what?”

“Promise me that you will continue to look for a way home if anything should ever happen to me.”

He hadn’t wanted to talk about it at the time, still having nightmares of her non-responding body under his hands. But he had promised and after studying his face for a few more moments she had nodded satisfied and left.

He did intend to keep this promise, but his heart was not in it. There was nothing waiting for him at home now that the only hope he had for a happy life after was gone. The world just seemed to be a little darker now without her smile.

*****

For every crew member someone stepped forward, recounting a personal tale to show that this not just had been a person doing their job, it had been a human with hopes and dreams and feelings. Some of these stories made the listeners misty-eyed, others made them smile. All of them touched them deeply.

When it came to Janeway there was a sudden pause. Nobody seemed to dare speaking on her behalf. Everyone looked expectantly at Chakotay.

It would probably be his place to say something about her, but he couldn’t. He was holding himself together pretty well, all things considered, but his feelings were too close to the surface. He knew if he started to talk about something personal he’d lose it and he could not afford to break down in front of the crew. Not now when they needed – and deserved – a strong leader.

In the end Harry Kim stepped forward and recounted a quiet scene about eating fruit that made their mouths purple. Chakotay was only half listening, still trying to deal with the fact that within a few minutes she would be gone forever.

Then the dreaded moment came. The ship whistle was sounded and the shuttle bay door opened. One by one the pods were sent on their way. For a little moment they could still be seen in the distance, lining up like beads on a chain. Then the dots became so small that they could not be distinguished from stars anymore.

The doors closed. It was absolutely quiet in the room.

“And now, ladies and gentlemen, give a warm applause for your new captain and commander.”

Everyone started, looking into the direction the voice came from. Chakotay cringed. Sometimes Neelix had the sensitivity of a walrus. Helplessly he looked at Tuvok at his side who simply looked back, expressionless as usual.

Neelix made his way through the rows, carrying a tray.

When he came closer Chakotay recognized what was on it. Four golden pips and a black one. 

“Neelix,” he whispered harshly, “I don’t think this is the right time.”

Neelix looked as if he wanted to reply, but before he could do so, Tuvok stepped in.

“I believe it is, commander.”

Slowly, hesitantly applause arose. 

He should be angry with Neelix for not giving him any time to think about this. With everything that had happened promotions had been the last thing on his mind. But with sudden clarity he realized that Tuvok was right. Extraordinary circumstances requirered extraordinary measures.

So Chakotay took off his provisional commander pip and laid it on Neelix’ tray. Then he added the black pip to Tuvok’s collar before Tuvok picked up pip by pip to put them on Chakotay’s uniform. When they finally turned back to their audience, the applause grew in intensity and here and there even a cheer could be heard. Chakotay forced a smile.

While he had worked as acting captain since yesterday, the ramification of everything that came with it hadn’t fully registered with him yet.

That it meant her ready room now was officially his as well. He couldn’t imagine sitting in her chair, working with her tools. He had been in there once yesterday, to get some padds, but had fled as quickly as possible. Her coffee cup was still standing on the table where she left it that morning. Her smell still was lingering in the air. Everything looked like she would return every minute. 

He realized now that all day long he had avoided sitting in the captain’s chair on the bridge. He had excused his standing with being busy, always on the move from bridge to engineering to sickbay. But now he knew why it hadn’t even occurred to him to take that seat. It would take a while for him to accept it as his own.

A moment passed, a moment where Chakotay probably should have said something. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. Thankfully Neelix, finally catching up with his inner turmoil, ushered everyone into the mess hall for a little lunch.

Chakotay did not feel like joining them. Tuvok stayed behind as well. Eventually the shuttle bay lay quiet again. Stretching out his hand to Tuvok, his voice a little raspy, he said, “Congratulations, commander. I hope we will work well together. I wish the circumstances had been different.”

Tuvok took his hand.

“As do I, captain. I promise to serve you well.”

Captain. Hearing this word out of Tuvok’s mouth somehow made the transformation final. He was the captain now and he should act as one.

Chakotay straightened his shoulders and side by side they left the shuttle bay.

The End

**Author's Note:**

> A/N1: We saw Tuvok wear three golden pips in the episode but I figured he can’t just jump one rank so I only made him Lieutenant Commander.
> 
> A/N2: Is there a force field when the shuttle bay door opens, like we see in “The Orville”? I hope there is, otherwise all the crew is now dead, oops!


End file.
